Letting Go: A Hair Cutting Ritual

Intentionally letting go of old pain, heavy, stuck energy, haunting memories, and inherited grief with a sacred hair-cutting ritual.

Before I begin, I would be remiss to not pay homage to the Indigenous people who came before me, who lived on this land respectfully, and who engaged in sacred hair cutting rituals and ceremonies far before my time. Specifically the Chumash and the Ute Native Tribes, both of whom inhabited the land upon which my personal ritual took place (Malibu and Aspen).

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Preface

During my pregnancy, I grew my hair long. As my hair grew, every experience, every emotion, wove itself into each strand, growing with it in length and weight.

As I lay face down with dizziness during my first trimester, an overflow of devoted love for my baby wove itself into my hair.

As I cramped with pain in my body, and cried with pain in my heart, pain wove itself into my hair.

As I lay in bed, fearful of possible loss, daydreams of a future with Leo kept me hopeful... and with those daydreams, hope wove itself into my hair.

As I visited specialists, the piercing sting of fear grew louder, and wove itself into my hair.

As my intuition began to tell me I was losing Leo, despite doctors reassuring me otherwise, a new and heavy heartbreak wove itself into my hair.

As I grieved, as I struggled with vivid flashbacks that took me far from the reality of the here-and-now, the memories, the sense of terror, wove itself into my already heavily weighed-down hair.

Since the loss, my hair has felt unbearably heavy. It seemed I was carrying around the cumulatively massive energy of everything aforementioned — love, hope, pain, fear, terror, heartbreak...

So I chose to do a hair cutting ritual.

The day after I turned 31, I felt ready, and I went for it.

I didn’t have much of a plan. Though countless people before me have cut their hair ceremonially, and witchy friends of mine (thank you Niko & Megan) offered recommendations, I didn’t read about any other cultures’ rituals, so I could go into this experience fresh, and do it in a way that felt authentic to me and my experience. 

Here’s what I did. (Written in a how-to format) 

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Part 1: Preparation.

 1. Find a spot outside that feels right.

Let your intuition guide you there. Don’t overthink it. Make sure you have privacy and no one will interrupt you.

I chose a spot in my family’s garden outside the home I grew up in.

2. Create a sacred space for the ritual.

Set up a spot for yourself in which to engage in the hair cutting ritual. Bring to the space any objects that may assist you in feeling safe and comfortable.

I brought a pillow to sit on (the grass was very cold and wet!) and two flower arrangements my brother (my sister’s partner) Jack made for me as a birthday gift. The flowers offered a delicate beauty suitable for inward exploration.

3. Gather and bring to the sacred space:

• A journal, or piece of paper, and pen. I brought my journal.

• Hair cutting scissors (fabric scissors should work too).

• A special box, bowl, or vessel. I brought a sacred box gifted to me by my aunt Deirdre.

• A pleasant or soothing smell. I brought a bundle of sage with rose petals wrapped in it, gifted to me by my sister Jade.

• A sacred object relating to the energy you wish to release. I brought a framed photo of Leo’s sonogram – one of those new fancy ones where I could clearly see his adorable face cuddling in my womb.

• Hair elastics. This is only necessary if your hair comes undone from braids easily.

Part 2: Cutting Ritual.

1. Intentions + Meaning.

Write in your journal: Intentions for the ritual. And, the Meaning of what your hair is holding. Describe the energy, the cumulative weight it is carrying. Write it in the present tense, as you will be reading it out loud as you braid your hair in the next step.

What I wrote:
I braid my hair, weaving together all strands of this past so full of pain — stress, fear, grief, loss, deep heartbreak. This hair that carries immense weight, carries the weight of my own pregnancy and loss, the weight of unhealed energy from my ancestors – my grandmothers’ losses, my great-grandmothers’ losses… 

2. Braiding Ritual.

Read your words out loud (or silently in your mind) as you braid your hair into two braids that sit on your chest/front body. 

3. Holding Space for the Past

Sit with the weight, with the words you wrote. Be present with it all.

(You may do this in-between / during the braiding process).

Hold the sacred object you brought, to connect with the energy of the past – to give yourself a sacred, safe moment with the pain. Take a moment to be with the emotions that arise. Allow anything to be there that comes up. 

I held Leo’s framed sonogram and connected with the love I felt for his physical form, with the hope, and with the pain – all of which was present in the braids hanging from my head.

4. Gratitude for the Pain

Tie up the ends of your braids with elastics (optional). Hold the braids in your hands and begin to connect to your heart, to your love and gratitude.

Write in your journal an offering of gratitude to the pain of the past, so willingly held by your hair. 

What I wrote:

Thank you — to the grief, the loss, the pain — for teaching me who I am. Thank you Great Spirit for allowing me to learn, to let go, to intentionally shed old pain. Thank you Great Lioness Jazz for sharing [y]our grief openly, so that generational patterns of suppressing pain and burying grief may be broken. Thank you deeply, death-birth, for showing me who I am. 

Hold these words in your mind or voice them out loud as you hold your hair in gratitude once again — thanking the past for all that it taught you, for the blessings it allowed.

5. Intentions for the Cut

In your journal, write your intention for the cutting ceremony. What does the hair cut symbolically mean to you? What do you wish to alchemize with this ceremonial act? What will be energetically, spiritually occurring as you cut your hair? 

What I wrote:

With this cutting ceremony, may the stress be released from my system. May my pain be shed like snake’s skin. May the old heavy energy that I’ve been carrying around with me finally be gone…

*As I wrote this intention, hummingbirds danced around me, squeaking and flying in rounded shapes through the air right above my head and in front of my face. I laughed with joy. This is how Leo visits me. These hummingbirds visited me (and made themselves known with loud squeaky noises) throughout every stage of this ceremony…*

…With Leo by my side, in Spirit, and on Earth, squeaking as an adorable hummingbird, so it is. Amen.

6. Reset with a Scent

Hold the pleasant-smelling object you chose earlier (maybe it’s an essential oil, or a candle. For me, it was a bundle of sage). Smell it. Let the positive energy fill your spirit. 

7. Return to Intention

Sit with the written intention/prayer. Say it out loud or silently in your head.

8. Bless the Scissors

Keeping this intention/prayer in mind, take the scissors into your hands.

Place one hand below the scissors and one above, creating a scissors-sandwich. Energetically channel the energy of your intention into the scissors.

9. The Cut!

Now, CUT. THAT. HAIR!!! Cut one braid, then say or sit with the prayer/intention once again, then cut the other braid. 

*Hummingbirds continued to chirp and squeak and fly around me as I did this. I smiled as I saw them. The Sun emerged from the overcast sky and beamed onto the Ocean in front of me.*

Part 3: Harvest & Release.

1. Harvest.

Place the cut hair into the sacred box, bowl or vessel.

Pick a flower, leaf, or other element of Nature to be placed in the box with the hair.

I chose to pick a flower from Leo’s Garden (plants in hand painted pots wherein a piece of his placenta is buried) and place it into the box with the hair.

Spend a moment sitting with the closed box, holding it in your hands.

2. River.

Visit a river or other flowing / moving body of water. I flew to Aspen, Colorado and visited the Rio Grande River at my favorite spot where I can sit on the rocks in the river.

*On my bike ride to the river, a hummingbird flew in front of me, guiding me along…*

3. Intention of Release.

In your journal, write your intention for releasing the hair… What letting go of the hair into the river will mean to you.

What I wrote:

I wish to let it go… to release the energy… to allow pain to transform into wisdom. The hair that carried the weight of hope and loss – hope for my baby to be warm and safe within my womb, and to be born healthy into our warm arms… I release it now, so that Nature may use my strands, so that my hair may be woven into a nest to warm a baby bird or other creature… May its new purpose allow its energy to be transformed… And with the release, may my pain too be transformed… May only the strength and courage and wisdom remain… May this holy, sacred river carry my pain away with its flow. May I, like the hair in the river, by carried forth by my Angels, my Ancestors, by Spirit, to navigate future pregnancies with grace and peace.

With Leo, Nancy, Helen, Molouk, all my angels, and Spirit as my witness, so it is.

Amen.

*When I wrote this prayer, a strong wind began to blow, tossing my hair around and swaying the nearby tree branches and bushes. I felt Spirit so present in these gusts of wind — Nature’s language was speaking loudly.*

4. Final Release.

Remove your hair from the sacred box. (Remove any elastic bands.) Carry your hair, with intention, into the middle of the river. Keep the intention/prayer of release in your mind as you do so, in sacred silence.

*As I waded into the ice cold snowmelt, a gentle rain began to fall. A cleansing of energy from Nature’s wise skies.*

Gently release your hair into the River.

I knelt down, let it go, and watched the current carry it away…

5. Digestion.

Take a moment alone, in silence, to reflect, to sit with the experience, and to let it soak in. Offering your Trust to the River.

As I rode my bike home from the final chapter of the ritual, I let the wind blow through my hair, cleansing any old energy that remained.

Many creatures visited me on my bike ride home – a snake, a deer, a dragonfly, a butterfly, several beautiful birds, a cute little chipmunk…

And the River flowed on…